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How To Not See Yourself As A Victim, Despite Setbacks

We just received an email today from someone who has a story to tell. It’s a story on not seeing yourself as a victim despite whatever setbacks you may have experienced in life. This comes from a young person who has experienced more than she should have at this point in life, but has become stronger because of it. We hope this inspires you…

how to not see yourself as a victim

My name is Katherine Kerr. I am a 23-year-old girl from a small island on the east coast of Canada called Newfoundland. I am someone who has seen the ugly of the world, at a very young age who has recently took back her power and who refuses to fall victim to her circumstances.


Firstly, I will tell you some of the negatives in my life. The situations that truly broke me to the core, causing me to lose myself only to be left to pick up the pieces fully on my own.


To start off, I was adopted at birth. Adoptions are a beautiful gift that can be given to helpless children such as myself. However, with adoptions often times comes with the fear of abandonment and commitment. At a very young age, I learned what mental illness truly were. At the age of 7 onwards, I watched my older brother make numerous attempts to take his own life and watched him be re-admitted into hospital many times throughout my childhood which inevitably caused me to carry a guilt that was not mine to carry.


My adoptive parents tried their hardest, but in the midst of it, I was often left to figure things out on my own and didn’t receive much love and compassion in which I so desperately needed. Fast forward to 17 years old, I entered a relationship that took everything from me. I entered a 3 yearlong battle that turned out to be abusive of all kinds. Emotional, psychological, sexual, and physical abuse took place.


Within that relationship, I experienced physical abuse. My abuser went on to make it into the police force (in which I helped him get into due to manipulation) and was married 6 months after we broke up. Thinking that relationship was the lowest I could ever be, I thought better days were to come.


Sadly, I was mistaken. I went on to get into a serious accident resulting in a serious head injury and two shoulder surgeries and later entered another relationship which resulted in 2 pregnancy losses. Losing those pregnancies was a pain I never knew and/or thought I would ever experience.


Being a good mom has been my biggest goal in life. It felt like having the one thing I’ve wanted most out of life, dangled right in front of my eyes, and snatched away within seconds. A gut wrenching feeling. I later went on to find who my birth mom is, just to have her reject me.


It was around this time last year that everything had built up as I did not have a support system surrounding me. Causing me to check myself into hospital as my biggest fear at the time was myself. I did not want to see another tomorrow. I was truly ready to be done.


I started to spiral. This past year, I was diagnosed with complex PTSD and Anxiety. I was mad at the world, turned into a version of myself that I am not proud of, and was truly on rock bottom.


It was then that I decided to change my life. I decided to forgive myself, my abuser, the world, and everyone who has ever done me wrong and find the blessing in the breaking. For the first time in my life, I am so proud of the person I am becoming, and I know I am meant to do something great in life.


Despite all of life’s challenges, I was given the beautiful gift of perspective. It was this last year that I started my healing journey which involved many hours of self-reflection and discovery. With that I decided to look back on my life and focus on all the amazing things I have done and achieved all while breaking to the core.


Following my abusive relationship, I realized that I had two choices. I could sit back in bed, cry and let it eat at me or I could go out in the world and create once in a lifetime opportunities for myself. So, I did just that!


I packed up everything and moved from my small island in Canada, across the world to Milan, Italy! I stayed in Milan, for 8 months working as an au pair. Creating bonds and influencing young children. Following that, I was navigating my mental health journey all while faced with a seemingly never-ending global pandemic.


I went on to live in New York, Venice Italy, British Columbia, and Quebec to put my sadness into something that brought me the upmost happiness and reward- travelling and working with children.


I have started to become my own main character. I realized the importance of finding people who challenge you and doing things that scare you. Life is whatever you make it. Opportunities won’t come to you, often times you must go searching for them and when you do; watch what happens next. You’ll experience things you’ve only seen in the movies because you’ll be living your own movie.


I know who I am now, I know I am meant to do something amazing in life despite being told repeatedly how worthless I am. I am not worthless, I am powerful.


Healing from the past has not been an easy task. However, I would like to share a letter I wrote myself a few months ago with hopes that it can help inspire even just one person. It states;


“This comeback is personal. You have stolen everything from me. You made me question myself and my worth which inevitably caused me to turn into someone I did not recognize and am not proud of. That is why, this comeback is so personal.

This is my promise to you, but more importantly, to myself that I will become everything that you told me I could never become. This is my promise that you will see my face again and you will hear my name again.

But this time, it will be in a positive and uplifting manner. You will see and hear about the Katherine Kerr that knows her worth and who has changed many lives. The version of Katherine that is healed and powerful.”


You get a different perspective on life when you experience someone intentionally trying to take it from you. You start to treasure all those morning walks, coffee dates and even a simple hello. You start to realize the importance of kindness and checking in on friends. You realize that everyone really is in the same boat.


We are all fighting silent battles and are all just trying to figure out this thing we call life. You start to realize that calling a person strong, although it is meant in a positive light, doesn’t always make a person feel great.


Some people are so tired of being strong. They are strong because it is the only option they have right now, but they are tired and just want to be human. You realize that those people don’t just have strength, they have an unmatched sense of resiliency.


Don’t get me wrong, getting to this point has felt like an ongoing uphill battle at times. I will never say that the journey to a healed, powerful, and confident self is easy because it really is not.


It is a journey that I think I will always be on, but I am okay with that. It gets to a point that you see yourself overcoming small milestones- many of which seemed out of reach at the start of your journey- that you start to love the process. You take back your control and power. It is liberating to say the least.


If I was going to send a message to any person struggling, specifically in a relationship, I would say to trust yourself and your heart.


You are a lot smarter than you and your partner are giving yourself credit for. You are going to be okay- I promise you. The pain does fade. I am not going to say that leaving is easy and doesn’t suck. The unfortunate reality is that it does suck and might end up being one of the hardest things you’ve ever done for yourself. But don’t fear that. It does not suck nearly as much as those nights spent crying yourself to sleep, the fear of the one you love most and mourning the loss of yourself.


Find courage in the fact you’ve gotten through the thick of it, the rest is back in your control. Take back your power. Become everything you want and know you can become. Love is not supposed to hurt- emotionally or physically. Love is supposed to empower you- not take it from you. Start by learning to love yourself and watch the amazing things that happen next. You’re so much bigger and better than what is being told to you.


I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my lengthy letter. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I know that it will be bright and beautiful. Full of inspiring others and being a voice for those who have had theirs taken from them. I will not settle for less. I know I just might be a young small town 23-year-old girl but I know I have so much to offer the world. If I can help to inspire, motivate an encourage even just one person, it is all worth it to me.

Do you know someone in a similar position? Share this with them, or feel free to let us know what you think of Katherine’s story below

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